God’s Ideal For Your Life: Matthew 19:1-12


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As we jump into another podcast episode, we continue in our journey through the gospels with another challenging passage – this one about marriage and divorce. While I am happily married, divorce has affected my life in a personal way, since my parents are both divorced and remarried. Divorce has become a standard way of life in our culture today, and this is one reason why this episode’s passage is difficult.

The other reason this passage is challenging is because of what it says about marriage, which is a significant topic in culture at this point in history. Many people living in the world today reject the idea of marriage as presented in this passage. However, it might also surprise many people living today to learn that Jesus’ words surprised those listening to Him in the first century as well.

Let’s dive in to this passage and discover what it can tell us about God’s original plan. Our passage is found in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 19, and we will be reading it from the New Century Version of the Bible. Starting in verse 1, Matthew transitions to a new topic by telling us that:

After Jesus said all these things, he left Galilee and went into the area of Judea on the other side of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

Some Pharisees came to Jesus and tried to trick him. They asked, “Is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason he chooses?”

I will pause here to draw our attention to the similarities with our own culture. From looking at what these Pharisees ask, it would seem like their attitudes towards marriage as a life-long commitment were just as shallow as some people living today.

Continuing reading in verse 4:

Jesus answered, “Surely you have read in the Scriptures: When God made the world, ‘he made them male and female.’ And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.’ So there are not two, but one. God has joined the two together, so no one should separate them.”

The Pharisees asked, “Why then did Moses give a command for a man to divorce his wife by giving her divorce papers?”

Jesus answered, “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because you refused to accept God’s teaching, but divorce was not allowed in the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman is guilty of adultery. The only reason for a man to divorce his wife is if his wife has sexual relations with another man.”

10 The followers said to him, “If that is the only reason a man can divorce his wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus answered, “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but God has made some able to accept it. 12 There are different reasons why some men cannot marry. Some men were born without the ability to become fathers. Others were made that way later in life by other people. And some men have given up marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. But the person who can marry should accept this teaching about marriage.”

In many ways, this is a very challenging passage to tackle, because those who uphold the values shared in this passage are attacked by those who despise what Jesus has clearly described. In an oddly similar way, Matthew introduces this subject matter as the Pharisees bringing Jesus a trick question to trap Him. Similar to today’s judgment of anyone who faces this question, those living in the first century had issues of marriage, divorce, and related subjects on their minds.

However, while some are quick to judge anyone who stands beside how this passage describes marriage, it is worth noting that this passage lays the foundation by first describing the ideal, before spelling out how people rejected God’s idea. Then we learn about the sin found in God’s eyes regarding a decision that is less than His ideal, and we learn about the one exception to the rule.

It is amazing that those following Jesus are the ones who are quick to conclude that it might be better to simply not marry in the first place. Those listening to Jesus answer the Pharisees are the ones who are the most shocked by Jesus’ words.

There is very little wiggle-room present in this passage: God’s ideal for marriage is two people, one man, one woman, and when they join themselves together, the two become one in God’s eyes. This was the case in Eden before sin, and when sin entered the world, it seems like this was one of the most challenging ideals for every generation to deal with since that point.

From how Jesus describes marriage and divorce in this passage, it appears as though divorce wasn’t allowed in any fashion prior to Moses making the exception, but perhaps this was Jesus simply comparing the time of Moses to God’s perfect creation in Eden at the beginning.

It is interesting to note that those who are the most opposed to the ideal picture of marriage that Jesus shares in this passage are those who are the most opposed to Jesus, who don’t believe that God exists, and who simply do not care about whether they “sin” against God’s law or not. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, but I imagine these exceptions are very few.

Probably one of the biggest ideas present in this passage regarding marriage is that it is a spiritual union that is demonstrated physically through physical intimacy. Marriage as described in this passage is the decision of both spouses to remain together and faithful to one another. Jesus teaches us that marriage is spiritual because this union is one that God sees from His perspective, and it is physical because we can clearly see it in the decision two people make with one another.

This passage concludes with the equally challenging statement Jesus shares – this one in response to His own followers concluding that it may be better to simply not marry in the first place.

Jesus shares that not everyone can accept this teaching about marriage. This was true for those living in Moses’ time, as it was in Jesus’ time, as it is living in today’s time. Every generation has a percentage of people who cannot accept this teaching about marriage. This passage describes some of these people as those who were born without the ability to become fathers. Others are described as having something happen to them which stopped them from being able to become fathers later in life. A third group is described as people who choose to avoid marriage because they wanted to dedicate themselves more fully to the kingdom of God. This passage describes three very relevant groups of people who cannot accept this teaching about marriage, but it also concludes by saying that those who can and do marry should accept this teaching.

Does this then mean that those who cannot accept Jesus’ teaching and God’s ideal for marriage can simply ignore it and do their own thing, regardless of whether God would consider it sinful or not? I doubt that.

Instead, I believe it means that those who have chosen to stay single, along with those who were born in a way that keeps them from becoming parents and those who were injured in some way that stops their ability to procreate, have been brought into the world with a gift and an opportunity that the majority of people don’t have. This opportunity is the ability to be more able to dedicate themselves to God’s mission for their lives – and each person in this non-marriage group will have a unique way this is possible.

Jesus led the single people as one who chose to remain single for God’s kingdom, while the most famous disciple, Peter, was married. We know this because the gospels describe Jesus visiting and healing Peter’s mother-in-law, and someone only has an in-law when they are married.

This passage points us to God’s ideal for marriage, but it also describes the truth that marriage is not a right that is given to everyone. Marriage is a gift God has given to humanity that some people can accept, but for those who cannot accept God’s gift of marriage, God has other gifts that are less obvious, but not in any way less significant.

As we come to the end of another podcast episode, here are the challenges I will leave you with:

In whatever you choose to do regarding marriage, or remaining single, seek God first in your life. I speak from personal experience that only when we place God first in our lives will marriage or singleness make sense in His big plan for our lives. If you have not married, let God lead you to marriage if that is part of His will for your life, and if you have gotten married, resolve to stay committed to your spouse regardless of if times are tough or challenging. Staying married through challenging times says more about your character than it does about your difficult spouse.

Also, always pray and study the Bible for yourself, because I believe God wants to speak personally into your life and your situation. Don’t let someone else dictate your relationship with God.

And as I end every set of challenges by saying in one way or another, never stop short of, back away from, chicken out of, or fall away from where God wants to lead you to in your life with Him!

Year 4 – Episode 33: Discover what Jesus teaches about marriage, and how you can apply this teaching regardless of whether you are married, single, divorced, etc.

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