Forgiving to be Forgiven: Matthew 6:14-18

If you have ever wondered about how important forgiveness is, or if you have ever had trouble forgiving someone, in this episode’s passage, we find one of the most bothersome, but strangely practical, warnings about this difficult, challenging subject.

In my own life, for a long time, forgiveness was something I struggled with, and it impacted my family, my friends, my co-workers, and every other area of my life. Forgiveness was something I struggled with because I didn’t really understand it all that well, and also because part of me simply did not want to extend forgiveness to people who, in my mind, clearly didn’t deserve it.

Thankfully, God brought some people into my life who helped me understand what forgiveness is and what it is not, and they helped me see why forgiveness is important.

Let’s read our passage for this episode, before unpacking a little more about what forgiveness is all about. Our passage is found in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 6, and we will read it using the New International Reader’s Version. Starting in verse 14, Jesus continued teaching, saying:

¹⁴ Forgive other people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive the sins of other people, your Father will not forgive your sins.

¹⁶ “When you go without eating, do not look gloomy like those who only pretend to be holy. They make their faces look very sad. They want to show people they are fasting. What I’m about to tell you is true. They have received their complete reward. ¹⁷ But when you go without eating, put olive oil on your head. Wash your face. ¹⁸ Then others will not know that you are fasting. Only your Father, who can’t be seen, will know it. Your Father will reward you, because he sees what you do secretly.

While the last portion of our passage doesn’t appear to focus on forgiveness, it is still important for us to pay attention to – and in several ways, it is relevant to our discussion about forgiveness. But before we get to how this relates to forgiveness, let’s focus in on how this passage opens.

Probably the biggest, most ominous comparison in this passage is Jesus warning about forgiveness in the first two verses of this passage. He directly says, “Forgive other people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive the sins of other people, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (v. 14-15)

This elevates the nature of forgiveness into looking dangerously close to a salvation issue. God forgiving our sins is necessary for us to be in heaven, and according to what Jesus says here, He will not forgive us when we choose to not forgive others.

So what is forgiveness?

The simplest way I know of to explain how I understand forgiveness is by using a money metaphor. If I owed you $50,000, we would say that I was in debt to you. If I could not pay the debt and you chose to forgive what was owed, then forgiveness simply means that we canceled the debt. If you refused to forgive the debt, then weeks, months, or even years might go by with my inability to pay the debt. With an open expectation of payment for this debt, we would have a huge strain on our relationship, if there was one to begin with, and the more you internalized that I owed you money, the debt would begin to change you, and eventually it would bleed over into the other areas of your life, even affecting your other relationships.

While I am not suggesting that I don’t pay my debts, I am suggesting that in many ways, forgiveness benefits the debtor more than the one in debt. By having my debt forgiven by you, I would be relieved and thankful, but you would also experience a release from the burden of trying to collect the debt from me.

In this money scenario, perhaps forgiveness might look like I pay a small percentage relative to what I have, while you forgive the rest. However, in every other area of life, forgiveness gets significantly more complicated and challenging. While forgiveness always involves releasing a debt of some type, when we look at non-monetary debts, repayment can never be full restoration.

In the Old Testament, the Jews had the saying, “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth,” but even this concept, which stresses fair treatment and don’t do something to someone if you would not want them to return the favor, falls short of debt repayment. If someone literally poked out your eye, there is no way for them to restore your eye. Using this principle, you could injure them in the same way they injured you, but while that might make you feel satisfied, you both end up in a worse place than when you began.

In non-monetary areas, there is no way for debt repayment to happen, and if we look deeper at both monetary debts and non-monetary debts, there is no way to ever repay what was potentially lost. By not having that chunk of money, using our first example, there were ample investments that you missed out on. Losing out on other investments might not be significant in your mind, but in the non-monetary world, there is no way a parent, whether it is a father or mother, can repay for the time that was lost if they were gone for a while. A parent who has left for months or even years can return and choose to be more engaged and involved, but there is no way they can truly repay for the time that they missed while they were gone.

This is where forgiveness comes in. In many ways, it is like mentally and emotionally wiping the slate clean. It is saying something like, “I will not expect you to give me anything for how you hurt me.” It does not mean that both individuals must reconcile or restore their relationship. It is simply a release of expectation in the heart and mind of the one who feels cheated and/or like someone owes them something.

How does forgiveness and forgiving others relate to the last portion of our passage?

In the second portion of our passage, Jesus talks about doing some things for God in secret. While many people don’t often think this way, what Jesus describes in the second portion of this passage relates to forgiveness because forgiveness is mainly an internal decision. It is a point in time where one decides to cancel the debt they feel they are owed. They might tell the person who wronged them about it later, but that is less necessary.

In this way, forgiving others releases us to feel joy again. When I struggled with forgiveness, I also had anger issues. When someone irritated me, it rubbed on the hurts others had made and prompted me to react to all the pain that had added up in my past instead of to the issue at hand. Forgiveness helped me realize the extent of the past hurts, to release debts that could not be repaid, and to freely move forward with a new-found feeling of joy that I had not had in a long time.

We all are challenged and called to forgive others because God has offered us His forgiveness, and the debt we owe Him is far greater than the debt anyone owes us. While forgiving people who don’t deserve it is challenging from an emotional level, God offers us forgiveness through what Jesus did for us on the cross when we don’t deserve it. Jesus challenges us in this passage to do for others, what God has already done for us!

As we come to the end of another podcast episode, here are the challenges I will leave you with:

As I always open these challenges by saying, intentionally seek God first in your life. Accept God’s forgiveness for your sins by forgiving those who have hurt you. Choose to learn from the past, and aside from the lessons learned, leave everything from the past in the past, and release those who hurt you from your expectation that they will ever change. If they do, then great, but don’t let their lack of change infect your life moving forward.

Also, as I regularly challenge you to do, continue intentionally growing closer to God by praying and studying the Bible for yourself. As you study, look for examples of His love for you and the forgiveness He offers for your sins. Remember that because God has forgiven you when you don’t deserve it, He is more than happy to help you forgive others who don’t deserve it. God loves you too much to want you carrying the baggage of bitterness in your heart moving forward.

And as I end every set of challenges by saying in one way or another, never stop short of, back away from, chicken out of, or give up on where God wants to lead you to in your life with Him!