15 “If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. 16 But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. ‘Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector.
18 “I tell you the truth, the things you don’t allow on earth will be the things God does not allow. And the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows.
19 “Also, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about something and pray for it, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 This is true because if two or three people come together in my name, I am there with them.”
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, when my fellow believer sins against me, how many times must I forgive him? Should I forgive him as many as seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, you must forgive him more than seven times. You must forgive him even if he wrongs you seventy times seven.
23 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who decided to collect the money his servants owed him. 24 When the king began to collect his money, a servant who owed him several million dollars was brought to him. 25 But the servant did not have enough money to pay his master, the king. So the master ordered that everything the servant owned should be sold, even the servant’s wife and children. Then the money would be used to pay the king what the servant owed.
26 “But the servant fell on his knees and begged, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything I owe.’ 27 The master felt sorry for his servant and told him he did not have to pay it back. Then he let the servant go free.
28 “Later, that same servant found another servant who owed him a few dollars. The servant grabbed him around the neck and said, ‘Pay me the money you owe me!’
29 “The other servant fell on his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything I owe.’
30 “But the first servant refused to be patient. He threw the other servant into prison until he could pay everything he owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were very sorry. So they went and told their master all that had happened.
32 “Then the master called his servant in and said, ‘You evil servant! Because you begged me to forget what you owed, I told you that you did not have to pay anything. 33 You should have showed mercy to that other servant, just as I showed mercy to you.’ 34 The master was very angry and put the servant in prison to be punished until he could pay everything he owed.
35 “This king did what my heavenly Father will do to you if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Read Matthew 18:15-35 in context and/or in other translations on BibleGateway.com!
Nearing the end of Jesus’ ministry, He shares a strategy about how His followers should deal with conflict between each other. This strategy contains the various stages conflict should move through for it to be dealt with in a healthy fashion. However, at the conclusion of this process, Jesus gives an instruction that could be understood in two different ways – both of which are correct.
Matthew’s gospel includes Jesus’ teaching on this point and Matthew tells us Jesus said: “If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. ‘Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector.” (v. 15-17)
In each progressive stage of a conflict, more people are brought into the situation, but the real mastery of this strategy is that in each conflict, resolution is attempted at each stage with the fewest possible people. The first stage of conflict tries to resolve the conflict with only two people involved. If this doesn’t work, then one or two others are brought into the discussion. If the small group cannot come to a resolution, then the matter is brought before the church, and if the issue cannot be solved at this level, then we are to treat that person as one who does not believe in God or like a tax collector.
The challenge if you are the one who has felt wronged is that as soon as others are brought into the picture, they might side with other party. This has happened to me, and it is no fun. If the issue is brought before the church, it’s possible that the church will side with the other party. Again, this has happened to me and it is not pleasant either. While I will say that I was not kicked out of a church for having a conflict that was brought before the church, I no longer attend the church where that conflict took place.
However, the twist in Jesus’ instructions comes at the end. When the church cannot help solve a disagreement, then the instruction is to treat the person who has done wrong like they are someone who doesn’t believe in God, or like a tax collector.
On the surface, this sounds like Jesus basically says to kick them out of the church, but treating someone like they don’t believe in God doesn’t mean that they really don’t believe. Treating someone like a tax collector might simply mean exercising caution when around them, but it does not mean disassociating yourself from them. Jesus invited a former tax collector to be a part of His group of disciples, and He praises Zacchaeus, another tax collector.
In some ways, church is designed for those who are deciding whether to believe in God or not, so simply not believing in God does not immediately disqualify someone from being a part of a church. This might mean that if a conflict of this sort happens, then it would be good to exercise caution if the person in question holds a leadership position. If the conflict cannot be resolved, it might make sense to invite the individual to step down from their place of leadership – but that is a far cry from asking them to leave a church.
There are times when a person should part ways with a church, but in almost every case, it should be the person’s decision unless the person is putting the church in physical or legal danger.
I see Jesus’ instructions conclude with a call to treat those who a resolution cannot be reached as someone who is brand new to the idea of believing in God/Jesus. Practically speaking, this involves being friendly, listening, socializing together, and intentionally building a community of friends around the person. These actions should have nothing to do with the issue at hand, but should instead simply be shown as a way to love someone who may be feeling burned by others (and perhaps even God). If the person doesn’t want the church’s love, then the person is free to leave – but then it becomes that person’s issue.
Jesus does not call anyone to hate or push others away. Instead, He calls us into community, and everything about His method for dealing with conflict helps support relationships and build a stronger community with other followers. When we deal with conflict like Jesus, we will ultimately grow closer even if not every issue is solved.
This thought was inspired by studying the Walking With Jesus “Reflective Bible Study” package. To discover insights like this in your own study time, click here and give Reflective Bible Study a try today!
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